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Betrayed my boyfriend and i have been together almost 2 years now. i love him with every ounce of my being, and i thought he felt the same. He enlisted in the army last year and was in basic training from june to august. he wrote me letters almost every day, and i did the same. I went with his mom and dad to his basic training graduation and i can honestly say that i have never been so happy to see someone in my life. when i saw him standing in attention in the field, my heart stopped and the tears flowed vigorously down my face. i was finally able to see him again. well, the weekend drew to a close and we had to drop him off at his new home for AIT. it was hard, but i had done if for 3 months, so i knew i could do it again. things were hard, but we pulled through it. he came home in october for a few days and we spent all of our time together. things were great and we were happy. he went back to AIT and did not come home again until christmas. when he did come home, things were rough. he has always been really insecure about where i am, who i'm with, what i'm doing etc. we had often gotten in many fights because of his paranoia and accusations. the thing is, i have never and will never cheat on anyone in my lifetime. I have experienced it before, and i never wish to inflict that pain on another human being, no matter how severe the circumstances may be. anyway, his trip home for christmas was not at all what i had in mind, but we left on a good note. we made up and we were okay again. throughout the next couple of months, things were weird. i started to dedicate my entire life to school, and even sacrificed my social life. i did not leave the house unless it was to go to classes or go to campus and study. I had told my boyfriend that school was my number one priority and that it was going to be that way for a while. but i still loved him, we were still together, things were just different. the texts became less frequent, the phone calls got shorter, and the sweet words were not so sweet anymore. I didnt think much of it, i figured it was just the distance and the fact that we really missed each other and hated being apart. anyway, he came home 2 weekends ago, because it is his last leave before he deploys to afghanistan in 3 weeks. i was waiting for him at his house and bought him a welcome home present. i gave him a kiss and a hug and told him how happy i was that he was home. for the first time in a long time, i felt relaxed. the love of my life was home, and i didnt care about anything else in the world. recently, he had been telling me, "if you do everything to make me happy, i promise you will be happy too", and i didn't know why he kept saying this. i thought it was just because he had a lot on his mind because of the upcoming deployment. anyway, later that evening we were at a friends house, and everyone was drinking but me. i sat on his lap all night, he kissed me, told me how beautiful i was, told me he missed me, etc. well, i was exhausted so i went to bed in our friends guest room where we often stayed when we were too drunk to drive home. my boyfriend came upstairs around 3 and was really drunk. inevitably, he passed out. his phone kept ringing and it was annoying me, so i answered. it ws his friend whose house we were at. he was in the basement by himself cause everyone had left and he wanted my boyfriend to come downstairs with him. i told him my boyfriend was passed out and that he wouldnt be going downstairs to meet him. my friend then told me to disregard the text he sent my boyfriend too, cause it was the ssame thing (telling him to come downstairs to hangout with him). so i checked the text and got rid of it. then, i noticed a bunch of texts from a girl i didnt know. they said things about how she missed his kisses, missed his hugs, and missed his face he made when he left the toilet seat up. there were more texts about how she missed him and how she thought he was handsome, etc etc etc. immediately, i felt sick. i ran downstairs to where my friend was and i showed him the text. i collapsed on the floor and my friend had to hold me as i cried...and cried...and cried....i was so upset, i threw up multiple times. anyway, i talked to my friend for a few hours, letting my boyfriend sleep off his alcohol. finally, i couldnt handle it so i woke him up and confronted him. he was still drunk and said some pretty ignorant things about how i just didnt care enough and how im disgusting. again, i threw up. my boyfriend kept trying to touch me and calm me down but i was hysterical and screamed at him to get his filthy contaminated hands off of me. turns out, he had not only been sleeping with this girl, he had been DATING her for the past 6 months. she is in his platoon and he sleeps over there almost every night. oh, and we were going to celebrate our 2 year anniversary that night i found out, too. i was a mess. a complete mess. and i still am. i love him with everything i have in me, but i have no idea what to do. he tells me how much he loves me, how sorry he is, and how he will drop everything and anything to be with me. but she still texts and calls him and i am pretty sure he does the same. he is back at his duty station and away from me, so i have no idea what is going through his head or what he is doing. i cry all day eery day, and i have lost 12 pounds in a week and a half. i want him back so bad, but i know i shouldnt do that. i cant trust him, and i dont think he is willing to give up the other girl for me. i am absolutely sick to my stomach about the whole thing and i need help. he begged and begged me last week to take him back. he even drove down to where i went to college and showed up at my house so he could see and talk to me. obviously, i lost it and had an emotional breakdown. we kind of talked through things and he held me and told me he loves me and that he was sorry. well, now he is back at his duty station where the other girl is, and i am absolutely sick thinking that they might be together still. he hasnt given me much reassurance about anything, and my mind is wandering in 1000 places. he says he still loves me and wants to be with me when he gets back, but that he cant be doing this while he is in afghanistan. i want to wait for him till he gets back, but how do i know he will not be with other girls again? he lied to me for 6 months before, why would he tell me this time around? he is such a huge part of my life and i have never felt this way about anyone. i am so lost as to what to do. should i keep my head up and stay faithful and hopeful, or should i move on, despite how strong of feelings i have for him?
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